I Left My Bus Fare at the Pub, and......

[Ceri Shaw]

Inspired by Ians recent posts on the related topics of misspent youth and woefully inadequate travel arrangements I thought it might be fun to invite members to embarrass themselves with similar tales in this forum. I enjoyed a number of bracing walks in my teens and twenties having neglected to provide myself with the means to get home after a good night out. I heve walked from Pontypridd to Cardiff on a number of occasions. I avoided walking from Barry to Grangetown one fine day after me and my mate were picked up by a passing garbage truck ( we got off the Waverley at the wrong port ). But I still consider my finest achievement in this area to be my 40 mile or so odyssey from Llwynypia to Chepstow Rd , Newport. If anyone can help me out with the exact distance I would be eternally grateful. All in all my drinking habits in those years kept me as fit as a fiddle.

If drinking beer was an Olympic event I know that this group could field a strong team So hows about it? Regale us with your tales of drunken misadventure. It doesnt have to involve a long walk home although I have always thought that a good 20 mile hike is the perfect way to end a perfect evening. If its all too embarrassing create a sockpuppet and post anonymously. And if its good ( and more than a 1000 words in length ) enter it for the short story competition! I'm sure you can make it relevant to one or other of the photos there.

[William A. Parry]

“Higher Learning”, by William Parry

Ok, I can’t resist, as sadly (and quite tellingly) I’ve got quite a few tales-of-over-served-woe . . . . rewind to the fateful spring of ‘94, when a young, carefree (and much thinner) William was at university, “studying” in London for the semester; having the time of my young life.
One night a group of students from Austria were staying in the same hostel as we were and as always, quite a bit of imbibing and good fun was being had by all….. but then a few of the Austria guys got a little cocky and out of hand relative to their purported drinking prowess and manliness, etc…. I had to stick up for my fellow Welsh (only 1 other there and he’d passed out hours ago), and the USA….so, I recalled that I had honed a technique (in my younger years) for sliding down a flight of stairs, head first, on my stomach, with no padding, etc., and not hurting myself (yeah, I know…)
Well one thing led to another, and semi-friendly words exchanged, and then, of course, the gauntlet was laid down… so, up I trudge, up the back stairs of the London House Hotel, with a well-lubed group of Austrian, Australian, and Americans rooters and detractors in tow… money actually exchanged hands (over what outcome I was never really sure? Were they betting on whether I’d actually be dumb enough to go through with it? Or whether I’d survive it? Or some median outcome? Anyway)…..I get to the top of the stairs with my 9th 16 oz. can of ‘JR Tenant’s Super’ in hand, and I get into position….. stealthy, and steely-eyed, like an Olympic bobsledder, I knelt into position….. that’s the last thing I remember…..
American stairs have about 13 to 14 steps per each ‘flight’ of stairs, no problem, I can handle that…. What I failed to glean and assess was that this damnable old building in northwest London, had a stairway of 34 steps, . . . and did I mention they were cement steps. Apparently my training and technique held firm and I actually “successfully” finished my “descent”, but when I hit the bottom of the stairs, I rolled horribly (spilling my beer, Damn!), and out the emergency exit door, on to the sidewalk, and at the feet of a passing by Bobby…..
My friends (uncharacteristically) got me out of it, and got me upstairs to bed, but had to explain to me in the morning where my black eye and all the bruises came from?..... and I had to ‘explain’ to my professor the next morning that I’d tried rugby the day before… I think he bought it…… Aah, higher learning.

[Ceri Shaw]

LOLOLOLOL....Gwych! An exploit worthy of Jackass 3! Good to know that America's college trained elite are every bit as dumb as their British cousins:) The question remains though....will you be demonstrating this at the Crystal next year ( and do we have the insurance )?

[William A. Parry]

It depends!.....how many steps in their staircase??

[Ceri Shaw]

I'll count them for you mate:) Its funny you should mention the stairs thing because when i was a kid I had a habit of jumping out of trees. I would climb them and then see how high up I could get before jumping out. Luckily I grew out of that before I discovered the joys of alcohol. I,m not sure that throwing yourself at the ground from 30 ft in the air is a good idea after a gallon of S.A.

[William A. Parry]

Yeah, nor is heading down a flight of 34 cement stairs..... but, I'm proud to say, my training and technique saw me through..... I meant what I said, sadly, I've got stories like this for days...some printable, others?.....

[Caitlyn Johnston]

When I was in college...
Time: late on a Friday afternoon, after a few belts
Place: Jen's dorm room.
Scene of the Crime: Jen and my boyfriend Mike, who were both taking an engineering class, were doing a last minute check on some homework before we all went to dinner. They were taking longer than expected,and I got bored. I noticed Jen's keys setting on the dresser. On it was a small canister of pepper spray. I began to wonder what it smelled like, so I picked up her keys, and very delicately, they way you do at the perfume counter in a department store, I held it at arms length and gave the button a tiny push - aimed away from my face (I'm not stupid!!). Nothing happened. As I began to contemplate my next move, sudden, Jen and Mike's heads jerked up, eyes wide.
"What the hell is that?!?" turned into "What the hell did you do!?!". This quickly progressed to "Oh my God, you idiot!!" and "What the hell were you thinking!?!" as the room became enveloped in a caustic presence. We had to air the room out as best we could, and went to dinner coughing with our eyes watering. Jen was mad at me all weekend.
Upshot: For those of you who are perpetually curious....Pepper spray has no real scent. It just burns. And apparently.. I really am stupid!