Welsh Humor

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Comment by Dilwyn Jeffreys Phillips 12 hours ago

Some Ianto Stories

Ianto and Myfanwy were invited to a swanky costume party at the Feathers.
Myfanwy got a terrible headache and told Ianto to go to the party alone. Ianto being a devoted husband protested, but Myfanwy argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed and there was no need for his good time being spoiled by not going.
So Ianto took his costume and away he went. Myfanwy, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, awakened without pain and, as it was still early, decided to go the party.
Since Ianto didn’t know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching him to see how he acted when she was not with him.
Myfanwy joined the party and soon spotted Ianto cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice young woman he could, and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there.
Myfanwy sidled up to him and being rather seductive to him, had Ianto leave his current partner high and dry and devote his time to the new chick that had just arrived. She let him go as far as he wished, naturally, since he was her husband..
Finally, Myfanwy whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed.
So off they went to one of the cars and had a quickie.
Just before unmasking at midnight, Myfanwy slipped away, went home, put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make for his behaviour.
Myfanwy was sitting up reading when Ianto came in, and she asked what kind of a time he had. Ianto replied: "Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you're not there." "Did you dance much ?"
"I'll tell you, I never even danced one dance.
When I got there, I met Dafydd, Efan Jones and some other boys, so we went into the den and played poker all evening. But you're not going to believe what happened to the guy I loaned my costume to...."



Ianto walked into a crowded waiting room and approached the desk.
The Receptionist said, 'Yes sir, what are you seeing the Doctor for today?'
'There's something wrong with my dick', Ianto replied.
The receptionist became irritated and said 'You shouldn't come into a crowded waiting room and say things like that.'
'Why not, you asked me what was wrong and I told you,' Ianto retorted.
The Receptionist replied; 'Now you've caused some embarrassment in this room full of people. You should have said there is something wrong with your ear or something and discussed the problem further with the Doctor in private.'
Ianto replied, 'You shouldn't ask people questions in a roomful of strangers, if the answer could embarrass anyone. Ianto walked out, waited several minutes, and then re-entered.
The Receptionist smiled smugly and asked, 'Yes??'
'There's something wrong with my ear,' he stated.
The Receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken her advice. 'And what is wrong with your ear, Sir? '
'I can't pee out of it,' said Ianto.

Comment by Dilwyn Jeffreys Phillips on October 4, 2009 at 11:41pm

You know you'r Welsh, if you can say yes to any three of the following.
From the country that brought you the Echo, Derek the Weatherman, dai caps and Mam-gu...YOU KNOW YOURE FROM THE VALLEYS WHEN......

1.You know at least 10 "Dais"

2.You have to explain what "togs" are and more importantly what "daps" are

3.You've suddenly realised that you are 10p short for the Severn bridge

4."Fin hoffi coffi" does not mean fluency in Welsh

5.You've bumped into someone you know on your holidays in the Costa del sol

6.Conversations with Indian call centre workers do not end well

7.You support any team that plays against England

8.You know at least one person who claims they were in school with either Charlotte Church, Katherine Jenkins, Ioan Gryffudd or Catherine Zeta-Jones

9.You wince when you see a Welsh person making a t*at of themselves on TV and they usually have the strongest Welsh accent ever

10.That coat is indeed my jacket

11.You raise a small cheer when you see the "Croeso I Gymru" on the M4 or Welcome to Wales as you come down the hill from Ross into Monmouth.

12.You're a fluent Welsh speaker but turn the pamphlet/leaflet over and read the English version

13.You last name is one of the following: Williams, Gwynne, Bevan, Llewellyn, Morgan, Rees, Powell, Prichard, Howell, Davies, Lewis, Thomas, Jones, Griffiths, Morris, Evans, James, Roberts, Jenkins, Owen or Ap Windsor

14.When you go abroad you have to explain to people where Wales is, and that it is not part of England

15.You can name all the celebrities that have any connection to Wales

16.You own a Stereophonics CD

17.Hugh Pugh, Max Boyce and Derek the Weatherman are all TV personalities you recognize

18.You know who exactly Aneurin Bevan is and what exactly he is famous for

19.A village/town 3 miles away is described locally as being just around the corner or just down the road

20.You don't know the surnames of any of you friends, you refer to them instead as Dai the Milk, Will the shop, Ron Top Road, or Mark Ty-Draw

21.You remember watching Ivor the Engine, Will Quack Quack, Sam Tan and Super Ted

22.A butty is your mate not a sandwich

23.The word "Never" is used on a daily basis and everything "does my head in"

24.You've used the phrase "I'll be there now in a minute" on several occasions

25.Proper, Cwtch, Tidy, Potch, Dap, and Courting are daily used phrases

YCH A FI!

Send this on to all your Welsh friends

Comment by Byn (Bynbrynman)Tavarn Ty Elise on October 2, 2009 at 3:18am

I've noticed on my Google alerts recently, there have been a few polls on Countries with the best sexual relations, with the Germans, apparently, coming out best. A few years ago during the swinging sixties they had volunteer couples from different Countries put microphones in their bedrooms to test the wives' responses during the act of making love. They chose a Welsh couple from Merthyr, Dai and Blodwen, to represent the U.K. The German woman after an hour of mad passionate love shouted Wunderbar, Wunderbar; the French woman, after two hours screamed out, ooh la la, ooh la la, magnifique and after five minutes, Blodwen said, Dai, I think the ceiling needs re-doing.

Comment by Gareth Williams on October 1, 2009 at 7:49am

VISITORS passing through Port Penrhyn have been left reported a harbourmaster’s hilarious sign.
Daily Post

Comment by Byn (Bynbrynman)Tavarn Ty Elise on September 25, 2009 at 11:10am

That should have been the 19th century.

Comment by Byn (Bynbrynman)Tavarn Ty Elise on September 25, 2009 at 11:09am

I uplifted (pinched) this out of Jan Morris's 'Wales', apparently it was circulating

 

North Wales during the 1th century:

Comment by Dilwyn Jeffreys Phillips on September 18, 2009 at 12:54am

Ianto and Myfanwy went to the Royal Welsh show in Builth Wells and one of the first exhibits they stopped at was the breeding bulls. They went up to the first pen and there was a sign attached that said, 'THIS BULL MATED 50 TIMES LAST YEAR'
Myfanwy playfully nudged Ianto in the ribs ......Smiled and said, 'He mated 50 times last year.'
They walked to the second pen which had a sign attached that said,
'THIS BULL MATED 150 TIMES LAST YEAR'
Myfanwy gave him a healthy jab and said, 'WOW~~That's more than twice a week! .....You could learn a lot from him.'
They walked to the third pen and it had a sign attached that said, in capital letters,
'THIS BULL MATED 365 TIMES LAST YEAR'
Myfanwy was so excited that her elbow nearly broke Ianto’s ribs, and said,
'That's once a day..You could REALLY learn something from this one.'
Ianto looked at her and said, 'Go over and ask him if it was with the same old cow.'

Comment by Dilwyn Jeffreys Phillips on September 18, 2009 at 12:50am

It was a hot Saturday evening in the summer of 1961, and Ianto had a date with Myfanwy.
He arrived at her house and rang the bell.
'Oh, come on in!' Myfanwy’s mother said as she welcomed Ianto in. 'Have a seat in the living room. Would you like something to drink? Lemonade? Iced tea?'
'Iced tea, please,' Ianto replied.
Myfanwy’s mother brought the iced tea. 'So, what are you and Myfanwy planning to do tonight?' she asked.
'Oh, probably catch a movie, and then maybe grab a bite to eat at the fish and chip shop, maybe take a walk on the beach..'
'Myfanwy likes to screw, you know,' her mother informed him.
'Really?' Ianto replied, his eyebrows rising.
'Oh yes,' the mother continued, 'When she goes out with her friends, that's all they do! Screw, again and again!!'
'Is that so?' asked Ianto, incredulous.
'Yes,' said the mother. 'As a matter of fact, she'd screw all night if we let her!'
'Well, thanks for the tip!' Ianto said as he began thinking about alternate plans for the evening.
A moment later, Myfanwy came down the stairs looking pretty as a picture, wearing a pink blouse and a hooped skirt, and with her hair tied back in a bouncy ponytail. She greeted Ianto.
'Have fun, kids!' the mother said as they left.
Two hours later, a completely dishevelled Myfanwy burst into the house and slammed the front door behind her.
'The Twist, Mam!' she angrily yelled to her mother in the kitchen. 'The f**king dance is called the Twist!!!

Comment by Dilwyn Jeffreys Phillips on September 18, 2009 at 12:44am

Returning home from work, Myfanwy was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarised. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime.
The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio,and a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby was the first to respond. As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, Myfanwy ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps.
Putting her face in her hands, she moaned,'I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do?
They send me a BLIND policeman.'


Geraint bach got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and noticed he had his collar on backwards. Geraint asked why he wore his collar backwards.
The man, who was a priest, said, 'sonny, I am a Father.'
Geraint replied, 'My Dad doesn't wear his collar like that.'
The priest looked up from his book and answered, ''I am the Father of many.'
Geraint said, ''My Dad has 4 boys, 4 girls and two grandchildren and he doesn't wear his collar that way!'
The priest, getting impatient, said 'I am the Father of hundreds', and went back to reading his book.
Geraint bach sat quietly thinking for a while, then leaned over and said, 'Maybe you should wear a condom and put your pants on backwards instead of your collar.'

Comment by Dilwyn Jeffreys Phillips on September 5, 2009 at 3:36pm

Byn (Bynbrynman)Tavarn Ty Elise, you left out Evans Above, he was the vicar from the Rhondda

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