Welsh Humor

Comment

Comment by Ian Price on December 7, 2008 at 2:33am

Dai and Will open up a pub but nobody uses it. So Dai turns to Will and says " I think we should have opened a brothel instead " Will looks at him indignantly and says. "Dont be stupid! They won't drink beer so how are going to get them to drink broth".

Comment by Emyr on December 7, 2008 at 12:47am

Subject: Medical check-up
An elderly couple goes for a medical check-up. The doctor sees the husband first and after the examination asks if sex is still good, and if he has any questions."Yes, in fact I have," says the man "After having sex with my wife I am usually hot and sweaty, and then, after I have sex with her the second time, I am usually cold and chilly. Do you think this is normal?"Surprised he can still do it twice; the doc says he cannot see any problem.The doc then sees the wife. After examining the elderly woman, the doc says, "everything appears to be fine. Do you have any medical concerns that you would like to discuss with me?"The lady replies that she has no questions or concerns.The doctor then says to her, "your husband has an unusual concern. He claims that he is usually hot and sweaty after having sex with you the first time and then cold and chilly after the second time. Do you know why?""Crazy old nut," she replies, "that's because the first time is usually in April and the second time is in December."

Comment by Ian Price on December 7, 2008 at 12:29am

Dai and Twm - the two local idiots go fishing. They're out on the lake for hours but can't catch a thing. Just before they're about to give up Dai says. " Lets try throwing the net over the other side of the boat" So they do. It's like Galillee all over again. They're pulling fish in by the shoal. On the way back to shore Twm says to Dai. " I hope you marked the spot where we caught all those fish ". " Yes I did" says Dai " I put an X on the side of the boat", "YOU IDIOT" shouts Twm " We might not get that boat again".

Comment by Ian Price on November 25, 2008 at 2:33am

A man is sitting in a barber's chair. His hair is cut. The barber gives him a knowing look and says " Something for the weekend Sir? " " Kerrist! You dont sell fishing rods as well!"

Comment by Emyr on November 8, 2008 at 1:30am

Subject: And then there was........






In the beginning God covered the earth with broccoli, cauliflower and spinach, with green, yellow and red vegetables of all kinds so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.

Then using God's bountiful gifts, Satan created Dairy Ice Cream and Magnums. And Satan said, 'You want hot fudge with that? And Man said, 'Yes!' And Woman said, 'I'll have one too with chocolate chips'. And so they gained 10 pounds.

And God created the healthy yoghurt that woman might keep the figure that man found so fair.

And Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat and sugar from the cane and combined them. And Woman went from size 12 to size 14.

So God said, 'Try my fresh green salad'. And Satan presented Blue Cheese dressing and garlic croutons on the side. And Man and Woman unfastened their belts following the repast.

God then said 'I have sent you healthy vegetables and olive oil in which to cook them'.

And Satan brought forth deep fried coconut king prawns, butter-dipped lobster chunks and chicken fried steak, so big it needed its own platter and Man's cholesterol went through the roof.

Then God brought forth the potato; naturally low in fat and brimming with potassium and good nutrition.

Then Satan peeled off the healthy skin and sliced the starchy centre into chips and deep-fried them in animal fats adding copious quantities of salt. And Man put on more pounds. God then brought forth running shoes so that his Children might lose those extra pounds.

And Satan came forth with a cable TV with remote control so Man would not have to toil changing the channels. And Man and Woman laughed and cried before the flickering light and started wearing stretch jogging suits.

Then God gave lean beef so that Man might consume fewer calories and still satisfy his appetite.

And Satan created McDonalds and the 99p double cheeseburger. Then Satan said 'You want fries with that?' and Man replied, 'Yes, and super size 'em'. And Satan said, 'It is good.' And Man and Woman went into cardiac arrest.

God sighed ......... and created quadruple by-pass surgery.

And then............ Satan chuckled and created the National Health Service.

THE FINAL WORD ON NUTRITION

After an exhaustive review of the research literature, here's the final word on nutrition and health:

1. Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
2. Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
3. Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
4. Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
5. Germans drink beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
6. The French eat foie-gras, full fat cheese and drink red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than us

CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

Send this to at least 14 friends in the next 60 minutes to receive absolutely nothing back and something good may not happen, but may, or again may not, but who cares, cos it's funny
Here endeth the Lesson.

Comment by Emyr on November 8, 2008 at 1:11am

Subject: Welsh Technology


After having dug to a depth of 10 metres last year, Scottish scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 400 years and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 400 years ago.

Not to be outdone by the Scots, in the weeks that followed, English scientists dug to a depth of 20 metres and shortly after, headlines in the Daily Mail were: 'English archaeologists have found traces of 500 year old copper wire and have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network a hundred years earlier than the Scots.

One week later, 'The Western Mail', reported that: 'After digging as deep as 30 metres in a peat bog near Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch, Owain Rhydian Jones, a local self taught archaeologist and ferret-sexer, reported that he found absolutely nothing. Mr Jones has therefore concluded that 600 years ago Wales had already gone wireless.'

Comment by Tam Ryan on October 30, 2008 at 1:31pm

A four-year-old, attending nursery school for the first time, put his shoes on by himself. The teacher noticed that the left shoe was on the right foot. She said, "Tony bach, your shoes are on the wrong feet."

He looked up at her with a raised brow and said, "Don't kid me, Miss. I know they're my feet."

Comment by Tam Ryan on October 30, 2008 at 1:26pm

Whilst out on work experience, an agriculture student from Llysfasi said to a farmer, "Your methods are too old-fashioned. I won't be surprised if this tree will give you fewer than twenty pounds of apples."

"I won't be surprised, either," said the farmer. "This is a pear tree."

Comment by Meical Phillips on October 3, 2008 at 10:41pm

Dirty Deeds Done With Sheep
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oCRE9qOgbug

...A parody of AC/DC's "Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap" for those of you completely out of the loop-- Even that song is about 35 years old now..

Comment by Emyr on October 3, 2008 at 4:16am

>
> > > A farmer buys several sheep, hoping to breed them for wool. After
> several> weeks, he notices that none of the sheep are getting
> pregnant, and phones> a vet for help. The vet tells him that he should
> try artificial> insemination.> > > The farmer doesn't have the
> slightest idea what this means but, not> wanting to display his
> ignorance, only asks the vet how he will know when> the sheep are
> pregnant. The vet tells him that they will stop standing> around and
> instead will lie down and wallow in grass when they are> pregnant.> >
> The man hangs up and gives it some thought. He comes to the
> conclusion> that artificial insemination means he has to impregnate
> the sheep> himself.> > So, he loads the sheep into his Land Rover,
> drives them out into the> woods, has sex with them all, brings them
> back, and goes to bed.> > Next morning, he wakes and looks out at the
> sheep. Seeing that they are> all still standing around, he deduces
> that the first try didn't take, and> loads them in the Land Rover
> again. He drives them out to the woods, bangs> each sheep twice for
> good measure, brings them back, and goes to bed> exhausted.> > > Next
> morning, he wakes to find the sheep still just standing round.> > Try
> again.' he tells himself, and proceeds to load them up, and drive
> them> out to the woods He spends all day shagging the sheep and upon
> returning> home, falls knackered into bed.> > The next morning, he
> cannot even raise himself from the bed to look out> of the window. He
> asks his wife to look, and tell him if the sheep are> lying in the
> grass.> > 'No,' she says, 'they're all in the Land Rover, and one of
> them is> beeping the horn.'>
> _________________________________________________________________
>

• First
• Previous
• Next
• Last